Nial O'Hanlon Announces Retirement from the Roadrunners
Ending weeks of speculation Niall O'Hanlon today announced his retirement from the Roadrunners (at least for now). Niall cited irreconcilable differences with Roadrunners management and coaches as the main reason for his departure. Soccer insiders had speculated that Niall's bonus laden contract became almost worthless when his field time was reduced this past outdoor season. "For fecks sake, when they said I would get $1.2 million if I played more than Crouter, I thought I was rich" a frustrated Niall O'Hanlon remarked at the end of the Roadrunners most recent successful campaign.
Others have suggested that it was his commitment to O'Hanlons Pub that led to the decision. The demands of running a pub outside the Old Whorehouse district have perhaps taken their toll. Also, recently Niall found himself off-side with the Hoteliers in the recent smoking ban debate. This may have affected his decision to return to the beloved squad that welcomed the young midfielder some four years ago.
Since Niall is still a young man, other have suggested he is distancing himself from the Roadrunners in order to join another squad. The team's recent fall from grace could have driven the midfielder turned barkeep to the Chargers. A recent publicity shot of the Chargers provided ample evidence that Niall is in their plans. All sides have denied this rumour citing a communication mix-up for the picture.
Either way, this is a sad day for the Roadrunners. Many were brought to tears by the news:
Niall, was he the guy at the pub, at the field or both? That reminds me, I have to return my shirt
- Colm Dunne
When Niall was out there I never had to worry, hey Niall, do you want my shirt back?
- Dave Smith
Niall was a friend, a boss, and much more. I wonder if he wants my shirt back? It's ripped.
- Nev Fernandez
I loved playing soccer with Niall, although I really liked Gaelic football better. I should ask if he wants his shirt back. - Paul Laughran
The sad news for the Roadrunners was softened by Niall's other announcement today that the Pub has renewed its sponsorship deal with the team. A one time cash injection has been provided for the indoor season and potentially new uniforms in the Spring. An enthusiastic Dick Stinson would not comment on the amount of the financial arrangement but did hint that it would cover most of the teams fines.
In honour of the renewed partnership O'Hanlons Pub is introducing an all vegetable pizza called the "Roadrunner".
Niall, you will be missed greatly on the pitch. We will see you at the pub.